I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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