ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
