Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
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Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
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It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
be right there i have to get my cape
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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