So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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