Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
