He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
