just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
