Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
