I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
