Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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