Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
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Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
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Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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