She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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