She's JV to your varsity
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
