just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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