Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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