If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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