it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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