thus making me awesome and them whores
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
