Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
