I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
