If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
