I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
