Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
