You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
