I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I looked at my own cervix.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
