i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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