OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
