Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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