i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
