Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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