: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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