i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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