3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
