Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
