I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
