Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
