i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
