and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
