Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
