I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
