i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
