On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
