We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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