tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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