If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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