Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
