Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
