Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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