Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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