I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
