hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize