You're so nebulous sometimes
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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