did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
