yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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