While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
