Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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