They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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