I never want to see another naked old woman again.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
