Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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