I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
