The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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