There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
