I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
