I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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