Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
