tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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