dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
