I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
