am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
