We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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