at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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