If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
