I need to stop coming to work sober
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
