I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
