i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
