i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
