If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
