seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
