That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
