I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
