Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"