I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again