don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.