when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?